This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
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The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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