Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
