I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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