remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
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Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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