So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
