dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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