i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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