Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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