someone owes me an orgasm
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
