he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
