My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
