"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
