You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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