All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
