i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk