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Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
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