cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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