she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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