the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
