never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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