Got a toothbrush?
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
