i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
