dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
