I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
