dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
