Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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