Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
