Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
