i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
