Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
