I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize