That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
