My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
sex in a hospital.. check
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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