I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
