remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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