Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
