i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
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Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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