i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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