So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
