he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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