I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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