I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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