i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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