you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
