You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
