It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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