i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
