You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
