your thong is hanging out like whoa
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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