I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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