I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
