I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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