is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
