I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
