Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
