Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
