They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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