I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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