I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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