She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
