those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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