it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
