She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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