We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
