I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He shit in the fireplace
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
