I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
