I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
