After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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