i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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