I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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