I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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