She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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