people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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