Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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