She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
